If you have interacted with anyone in Gen Z or Generation Alpha, you have almost certainly heard the phrases: “I can’t lose aura,” or “I need to be nonchalant.” You may have even said them to yourself. Someone usually merits these descriptions while acting excessively mysterious, sticking their hands in their pocket, chewing gum or tilting their head up at a slight angle.
Trying too hard to be nonchalant is not a new phenomenon — it is a harmful idea with a new coat of paint. Being nonchalant means to minimize expression, to not care and make any task seem effortless, even if said task actually required a great deal of care. It has become a highly praised trait to be nonchalant, and as such, many adopt this persona to fit in. From childhood, we are pressured to act and live in a way that conforms to what we believe others expect from us. This pressure can result in long-term alienation, with people feeling out of place in public as they build fictional personas to fit in rather than ones that reflect their true identity. But, this feeling is often avoidable. Rather than changing or completely hiding our personalities unnecessarily, we must overcome this aversion to authentic behavior and act true to ourselves in daily life.
Acting in a nonchalant manner not only covers up your genuine self but also presents an inauthentic identity to others — one that significantly differs or possibly conflicts with your real traits and interests. Most recently, we can observe this inauthenticity in the performative male trend. Calling someone a performative male implies that the specific choices they make regarding their clothing and hobbies serve only to garner the attention of women and that these men lack a genuine interest, knowledge, or respect for these behaviors. Ultimately, the performative male phenomenon results in men flaunting a facade of an identity — one that many see right through.
Common performative male attributes include wearing baggy jeans in warm weather, drinking iced matcha lattes and pretending to read Jane Austen novels. These performative male traits have grown into more of an overplayed joke. The very idea of being performative oozes inauthenticity, with these men overtly claiming to enjoy a behavior while not actually caring or knowing much about it communicates nothing about one’s true self. Being performative tells people that you seek approval, not that you are exploring your genuine interests.
With the satirization of the performative male, unfair biases are now being associated with men who instead enjoy or embody the stereotyped identity. A fashion fiend might particularly love wearing baggy jeans. An enthusiastic bookworm might find hundreds of lines worth annotating in Austen’s “Pride & Prejudice.” I know someone in my own residential hall who owns an entire ceremonial matcha tea set. Some men may simply adopt so-called performative male behaviors for their own enjoyment and not for the approval of others. Yet, when someone introduces themselves with those genuine passions, there is a nonzero chance that they will immediately be called performative. Even if the comment is intended as a joke, shaming someone for real passion can easily lead to their shielding of that behavior, making it harder for them to connect with others on a deep level.
This pressure to conform not only affects our social well-being — it also damages our physical health. College students are constantly strapped for time. Between cramming for midterms, networking, socializing and going to parties, losing a few hours of sleep is bound to happen. At Emory University, I know several busy senior undergraduates who manage to get their full eight hours of sleep, but I also know countless freshmen in the least demanding year of college who are in a constant state of sleep debt. The fear of missing out (FOMO) is a huge reason for this self-inflicted sleep deprivation. This fear manifests in many different ways, such as going to parties despite not enjoying them or joining clubs that you have no interest in. Forming new relationships and experiences in college is important, but if doing so starts to affect your health, then FOMO is clearly providing diminishing returns. While following this pattern does not make someone inauthentic, it does highlight how college students are constantly burdened by the expectations of others.
It is possible to find authentic people at college. College is an environment where you are encouraged to follow your desires by becoming involved in student organizations, extracurricular activities and new classes. Therefore, practically everyone at Emory has a genuine passion that makes them an interesting person. However, you cannot find said passions nor connect with the authentic sides of people by covering up your own identity. We, as college students, must throw ourselves out there without any public filter or performative traits to create deep and long-lasting relationships.
Being authentic is certainly not easy, especially when meeting new people. The simpler option is to act the same way as others, make the same comments and move in the same direction. If you take that easier road and act nonchalant, trading your genuine self for the stilted version, you hazard tricking yourself into thinking you are not unique or do not have your own story to tell. However, every person at Emory has unique experiences, thoughts and achievements. It is our responsibility to let others know about them, and we can only accomplish that goal by being ourselves, not by performing to fit someone else’s expectations.
Contact Vincent Yoo at vincent.yoo@emory.edu
