I may be a skeleton, but my allergies are so bad that they’ve transitioned with me into the afterlife. Here are some tips for pushing through allergy season … just in time for finals.
1. Find some local honey and eat one tablespoon per day. Although I believe in home remedies about as much as Neil Degrasse Tyson believes in creationism, this one may actually work. And if my metaphor holds true, this means Tyson has now transitioned from atheist to agnostic.
2. Start clapping your hands and stomping those feet: It’s time for a rain dance. Because, as we allergy-sufferers know, there’s nothing more beautiful than a day in peak-allergy season when the rain has washed all the pollen away. Except maybe not having allergies in the first place.
3. Shut the windows, barricade your door and lock yourself inside. There’s no better way to avoid the pollen than to literally avoid the pollen by staying indoors. Pass the time by starting to watch that show everyone watches that you feel like you just need to watch, or else you’ll have no friends. Hint: It’s probably “Game of Thrones.”
4. In a fit of angry rage, find the nearest flower or plant and destroy it, thereby showing it who’s boss. In reality, you’ll have just brought yourself closer to the devil that is pollen, but you might still feel better if you’re the vengeful type.
5. Claritin.
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