On Fire 9/4/13
Today, Sept. 4, marks the second issue of the Wheel for the 2013-14 school year. This means that we are now two issues into the post-Bennett Ostdiek era of On Fire. On Fire has already gone to s–t, but we can all take solace in the fact that Bennett is having the time of his life in Germany/Austria/somewhere in Europe.
That is, if he’s actually abroad. In the six days since Bennett left the US of A, he has been radio silent. He has been tagged in a grand total of 0 pictures on Facebook and has not had a single wall post. Meanwhile, fellow Wheel alum Lizzie Howell, who is on the same trip as Bennett, has been tagged in 16 photos and has changed her cover photo twice. So Bennett, if you’re reading this, which you probably aren’t because you’ve most likely sworn off the Internet, feel free to show a sign of life or whatever.
Now, to On Fire.
Football, the real kind, is finally back in America. This weekend, college football season began, and we got to see a bunch of really good teams beat up on a bunch of tiny, horrible teams that were only playing in the game in a sad attempt to fund their struggling athletic programs which are (probably) in the red.
This opening week was actually a great one though. We got to see that Alabama, while still a great team, is definitely beat-able. Their defense and special teams were as good as ever, but their offense looked very average.
Clemson is definitely the real deal. Tajh Boyd put himself in the Heisman conversation with a clutch performance against a very good UGA team.
Past this, we didn’t learn too much in Week 1. Eastern Washington beat Oregon State. Western Kentucky beat Kentucky (Bobby Petrino is back!). The new American Athletic Conference (formerly the Big East) is horrible, with the exception of Louisville. Washington looked great, though.
2. Vodka Samm
At least one part of On Fire needs to be dedicated to Samantha Goudie, a student at the University of Iowa, or Vodka Samm as she calls herself on Twitter. This weekend, Vodka Samm ran onto the field during Iowa’s opening football game against Northern Illinois University.
She was accosted and taken to the drunk tank. At the drunk tank, she blew a .341 BAC. She live tweeted the entire thing. Her tweets are here for your enjoyment:
“Just went to jail #yolo”
“Blew a .341 in jail”
“I’m going to get .341 tattooed on me because it’s so epic”
“I’ve gotten so many hate tweets because I was drunk…uh I get good grades sorry for being like every other college student”
“Go Hawks motherf–ers”
These tweets are awesome. We at the Wheel do not condone binge drinking (we’re only writing this because we have to), but a .341 crosses the line just a tad. For all those flaming Vodka Samm: she’s in college, give her a break.
We are going to dedicate the last part of On Fire to the Wheel Sports section’s little brother, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (commonly referred to as ESPN by the one or two people who watch it).
We were regrettably watching their College Gameday postgame show on Saturday when “announcer” Lou Holtz decided to spit some truth. Holtz was angry about former Heisman winner and resident d-bag Jonny Manziel’s attitude. While he admittedly did take it a bit too far, at one point calling out Manziel for wearing a visor on the sidelines, he kept it real.
Holtz spat, “I think Manziel is good for ESPN, but he’s not good for the game.”
Finally, someone on ESPN self-aware enough to realize there is a difference.
Not so fast though, fellow announcer Rece Davis retorted somewhat under his breath, “Well, what’s good for ESPN is good for the game.”