On Fire 9-28-2012
1. Lingerie Football
Though, for the sake of the purity of the great game of football, we at On Fire are relieved that the real referees in the NFL are finally returning, it is not without regret that we will see the replacements go. After all, they provided us with so much material to write about. However, all good things must come to an end. Before this one does, however, we have one final shout-out.
There is a pecking order of professional football leagues. The NFL, obviously, stands at the top. Jostling for second place are the Arena Football League and the Canadian Football League. Then you go down through European Leagues, semi-professional American Leagues and at some point, you hit the bottom. There lies the Lingerie Football League.
Do you want to know how bad these replacement referees were? One of them, Craig Ochoa, was fired from the LFL.
How bad do you have to be to get fired from the LFL? Do they even play football? Your MTV-watching On Fire correspondent can honestly say that he (or she) has no idea what lingerie football is. If it is anything like he (or she) imagines it to be, however, then it might be the one exception to the rule of a women never ever being allowed anywhere near a football field.
So girls playing football in their underwear (this is what your creative On Fire correspondent is choosing to imagine, whether or not it is actually what the LFL is). That sounds awesome. Only in America.
But it does not sound like something which would require a high level of officiating prowess from its referees. How low did the NFL have to stoop?
2. The Yankee Clipper
In case you have not heard, a beast with two backs was found in a men’s room stall at a Yankees game recently. It did not take long for people to notice two sets of legs in the stall where there should only have been one. This was in about the second or third inning.
After a few minutes, a crowd began to gather, including a number of stadium employees holding walkie-talkies. But no one did anything.
Except take pictures that is. While the happy couple was oblivious, those outside the stall were fighting for position to get pictures from either under the stall door or on top of an adjacent toilet.
Those pictures and videos are on the Internet. You can find them. Your innocent On Fire correspondent does not recommend it.
This went on for several innings. Impressive, right? Eventually, the lovebirds were alerted to the presence of their company. And then they kept going for several more minutes.
They left the stall to a slow clap.
From all of us at On Fire, a salute to this guy.
3. IM Glory
We love professional football. We love college football. We love lingerie football. But it is safe to say that the play we love the most this year has come from the IM football fields of Purdue University.
It is almost impossible to describe. The quarterback receives the snap around the 35-yard line. Without missing a beat, he proceeds to spin around and release the football from behind his back. It then lands perfectly into the outstretched arms of his wide receiver who is standing in the end zone. Touchdown.
This play is simply an incredible display of athleticism. But what makes it so great is the fact that it is totally and completely unnecessary.
What possible advantage can one gain from throwing a football behind one’s back? Gaining the element of surprise?
If the cornerback is doing his job (and let’s face it: this is IM football, so he’s probably super hardcore), then it should not even phase him. Does it allow him to throw it at a special, super-secret angle? No, just really high and rainbow-like. Does it even look cool? Well, to be honest, the twirl just looks kind of dumb.
But in spite of all this, our valiant Purdue IM quarterback threw the 360 behind-the-back pass, and it worked. Ladies and gentleman, that is courage. That is change. That is awesome.
So what’s next for our intrepid hero? Your YouTube-loving On Fire correspondent has always liked sports videos where cute animals somehow get involved. Either that, or boats.
From all of us here at On Fire, keep on shining big man.