On Fire 3/22/13
There are three things that we at On Fire love more than anything else in the world. The first is buffalo wings, preferably with a side of cheese fries. The second is tall, blonde, Swedish supermodels. And last, but certainly not least, is passion — blind, frenzied, unchecked passion, so strong that it overrides reason, rules and common sense.
At the present, your intrepid On Fire correspondent has been unable to ascertain if LeBron-guy likes buffalo wings or not, and he (or she) is fairly certain that this man is not a tall, blonde Swedish supermodel. But no one can possibly doubt that he has passion, and for this reason, we at On Fire salute him.
For those of our readers who have not browsed through Yahoo! lately, LeBron James and the Heat recently came to Cleveland to play the Cavaliers. For those of our readers who have been living under a rock for the past three years, LeBron James was the greatest high school basketball player in the sport’s modern age (your athletic On Fire correspondent has been unable to discover what period exactly constitutes the modern age of high school basketball, but he [or she] can tell you that he [or she] was also a pretty good high school basketball player, playing in a church league and scoring 17 points in 17 games). He was drafted by Cleveland, his hometown team and single-handedly lifted the squad from abject awfulness to the NBA Finals. Then he followed the money and the club scene and took his talents to Miami.
And this brings us back to where our story dropped off, with James and the Heat playing the Cavaliers. Miami was leading 83-79 with just over eight minutes remaining in the fourth quarter when a Cleveland fan ran onto the court wearing a white t-shirt with the words “2014 come back” written on it in what the good folks at Yahoo! believed to be shoe polish (and your trusting On Fire correspondent sees no reason to doubt them).
His words were referring to the rumor floating around that James will be coming back to his hometown team when his contract could potentially (your astute On Fire correspondent will not even pretend to understand the complexities that go into NBA contracts) be up in 2014.
LeBron-guy, of course, was quickly escorted from the court. The video of the whole incident, as seen on YouTube, lasts a total of 22 seconds.
In all honesty, it was not the most impressive effort. LeBron-guy put up no fight at all. LeBron-guy did not talk directly to LeBron, making his demands to his face. LeBron-guy was not even particularly good-looking.
But that is not the point. We at On Fire are not concerned with results. We are concerned with hot wings, Swedish models and passion. Speaking from experience, your daring On Fire correspondent knows that, no matter how much you love wings, you cannot necessarily complete the Blazing Challenge at Buffalo Wild Wings, and that no matter how much you love female Swedes, you may spend a summer in the country and never work up the courage to talk to a single one of them. To put it simply, your On Fire correspondent knows all about buckling under pressure.
That is why this salute is not for the deed. It is for the idea. For the hope. For the dream. To paraphrase John F. Kennedy, LeBron-guy did not ask himself what the Cavaliers could do for him. He asked himself what he could do for the Cavaliers, and he found an answer — he could get LeBron back. Whether or not this idea was stupid or not (for the record, it was stupid) is unimportant. What matters is whether or not it was pure.
That being said, we at On Fire do have a few suggestions for LeBron-guy, if he ever decides to undertake a similar experience.
First of all, if you want somebody to rejoin your team, it’s best to bring gifts. We would recommend hot wings, everyone loves those.
Second, to be completely frank, and once again your On Fire correspondent is speaking from experience, nerdy-looking skinny white guys are not necessarily the most persuasive people in the world. In fact, Swedish supermodels are well-known to consistently get their way.
Third, and most importantly, incidents like this can only be successful if they go viral. And incidents like this will only go viral if the perpetrator of the incident has an awesome nickname that people remember — like bodysuit guy from “Seinfeld,” or Antoine Dodson (though that may be his real name). LeBron-guy just is not cutting it.