Heed Nature’s Call in Style

Here’s a guide to Emory’s best-kept secrets — the most spacious, private, luxurious bathrooms that you can find on campus, compiled by top-notch Wheel expert researchers. You’re welcome.

 

Bottom Floor of the “Old” DUC, in that Little Hallway
It’s become a bit of a “hot spot” due to the number of people that mill about in the DUC every day, but its convenience and cleanliness (thanks, custodial staff!) definitely puts this bathroom on our list. It’s less-frequented than the one next to the DUC cafeteria (probably due to its somewhat secretive location), and it has one of those futuristic hand dryers that’s hygienic and environmentally-friendly, so you can feel extra-pretentious after using this location.

 

Schwartz Center for the Performing “Farts”
I’m talking about the one in the fancy part of the building, the one technically reserved for concert-goers and donors and the “one percent.” Yes, it’s out of the way, but the sheer elegance of this spot makes it what we in the business like to call a “destination bathroom,” due to the sumptuous red carpeting surrounding your trek to the spot. It’s usually completely unoccupied during the daytime as well, so you can relieve yourself privately and in unnecessary opulence, like God intended.

 

Bottom Floor of Candler Library
This classic resting stop allows the visitor to enjoy the historic architecture of the library as he or she relieves themselves. The dim lighting sets a relaxing, almost romantic mood that everyone can appreciate, and the marble countertops provide an elegant “je ne sais quoi” to the restroom that really adds to the whole antique experience (without being too antique, if you know what I mean). The next time you find yourself on the way to class near the Quad and you’re hit with that familiar urge, consider this fascinating venue.

 

Next to Cox Hall Ballroom
It’s not always accessible, but when it is, you best go to it. This luxurious piece of bathroom architecture is so close to your daily walk to get food from Cox or to use the Computing Center, so if it’s open, I urge you to use it. This marvel of modern plumbing isn’t usually for students, since most of the events there are for conferences and events held for “adults,” so take what’s rightfully yours as the proletariat and revel here instead! Unless it’s locked.

 

Your Bathroom
Some of us don’t really have the option of having a private or semi-private restroom, but for those of us have had that privilege: nothing beats your own bathroom. You forge such an intimate relationship with that toilet, sink and shower — things may have happened in there that no one else can, will or should ever know. But you know. And you’ll never forget. It’s your home away from home, and that’s a beautiful thing.

— By Sonam Vashi