Four Fatal and Foul Females

March is Women’s History Month, so here’s a list of some of the most horrible, despicable and weirdly-revolting women throughout history compiled by the Wheel’s resident bad-person expert. Why? Because.

Countess Elizabeth Bathory
A Hungarian noble from the 1500s, Elizabeth had a variety of hobbies, one of which was reportedly torturing and murdering hundreds of young girls and bathing in their blood. Folklore suggests that she showered in virgin blood in order to retain her youth, but I think she just did it for blood’s moisturizing qualities (maybe they didn’t have lotion back then). She was nicknamed “The Blood Countess” and was eventually caught for her fun little activities, spending the rest of her days imprisoned in a bricked-up building.

Irma Grese
She became a high-ranking member in her chosen field of employment, which sounds pretty good until you realize that her job was being a Nazi. Nicknamed “The Beast (or B—h) of Belsen” for her work as a guard and official in the Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen concentration camps, Grese was generally a repulsive human being. She was convicted of crimes against humanity and executed when she was 22, which is really young but was probably for the best.

Cruella de Vil
Ok, maybe she’s not as bad as, say, a Nazi, but she skins puppies alive. I mean, Jesus H. Christ, this was in a Disney movie (“101 Dalmatians,” if you’re unfamiliar)! This was horrifying to children with small, loveable dogs everywhere. Also, it’s especially wrong that she’s using them for fur coats, which is SO 1980s. Crime of fashion, anyone?!

Hurricane Katrina
Okay, I realize that a hurricane is not a human female, but there’s a girl’s name in there, and Katrina was definitely pretty dang terrible. So she (it?) counts. Also, this provides an opportunity to talk about how messed up it is that we keep naming hurricanes with perfectly good girls’ names. I mean, after 2005, no one wanted to name their baby “Katrina,” and everyone that already had that name had to, like, wince every time someone said it. Why don’t we name them after inanimate objects? “Hurricane Stick” is much more preferable to discriminating against, no, victimizing women with generic Anglo-Saxon names. So there.

— By Sonam Vashi 

  • Kanye is my boy

    Speaking about Katrina, “President Wagner doesn’t care about black people”. There, I said it.

  • A new idea?

    Is this seriously an Emory Wheel article?

    • it’s called humor

      yes it’s an Emory Wheel article, because serious publications also publish humor articles as well. see: andy borowitz, new yorker

      • seriously?

        Would it still be humor if the beginning of a national month in recognition of an ethnic or racial minority was kicked off with a list of four horrible members of that group?

        • The_Grout_Depression

          Do high people like ice cream?