As the gay community at Emory marks National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11, we do so with pride and satisfaction at the monumental steps forward we have taken in the past year. The states of Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa and New Hampshire joined Massachusetts in legalizing marriage equality. President Obama signed orders granting limited benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees.

But in sum, this past year has brought more frustration than hope. We witnessed voters in California strip their fellow citizens of a fundamental right. Our president has told us to wait patiently while members of our armed services serving bravely overseas face harassment or discharge because of their sexual orientation. The president who symbolizes the end of the “dream deferred” for blacks and so many others has told us to defer our dream of equality.

If we, the gay community, define this movement solely as a political campaign for equality, we only set ourselves up for further disappointment. While we will not waver from our rights or back down from our demands, we must stop looking for affirmation from heterosexist institutions. We as gay individuals must find empowerment from within our own community. There is great hope that we can repeal Proposition 8 in California through referendum, but even a successful effort will undermine our equality. The right to enter into loving unions should not come from the consent of our peers and no one’s civil rights belong on the ballot.

We don’t have to wait until election day to turn the corner on this issue. We have the power each day, but especially on this occasion, to fight back against homophobia and define ourselves positively. We do so by the open manner in which we live our lives, by investing in the relationships we cherish and by broadcasting the confidence we gain by living with honesty and pride. None of these things requires the approval of others.

We must also acknowledge that our movement won’t look like those that have come before us. The gay rights movement should look less like the civil rights movement and more like the black consciousness movement. Steve Biko, the martyred South African student leader of that movement, understood that fundamental liberation went beyond politics. Gays, like blacks or any colonized people, must regain control of our consciousness while also seeking political progress. To do so, Biko encouraged the rejection of white-apartheid values and the redefinition of modern black identity.

All of us have been born into a heterosexist society. Our existence is treated to varying degrees as an afterthought or even “an appendage” to straight society. The cycle of heterosexual exclusion begins in the classroom as a child. For some, parents or friends reaffirm this at home. It is echoed by our political institutions and rarely challenged in the media.

We must stop aspiring to heterosexual values and outdated constructions of gender roles, families and masculinity — starting today. We must stop applying heterosexual values within our own community and elevating those who conform the most rather than those who live the freest. We can’t accept marriage equality as a reward for good behavior. We must exercise our human rights to marry, to receive fair treatment in the workplace and due process under the law because we are humans, not because some heterosexual institution has paternalistically validated them.

It is imperative that we be honest with our friends and family members about how their words and actions can hurt or uplift their gay loved ones. We must educate everyone we know that the use of “gay” as a slur, whether in public or private, entrenches a repressive homophobic culture. It must become understood that “open-minded” people who let those around them use bigoted language become bigots themselves.

Congratulations are due to those who take the opportunity to come out on National Coming Out Day. You are taking ownership of your life in a new way, with the added confidence of knowing who you are.

But the process doesn’t end here. Coming out is a decision you have to make every day of your life. In your new places of work and study, during your travels, with your doctors and neighbors, members of your Boy Scout troop, church or synagogue and especially with your family members — you will be faced with the challenge of navigating your orientation. No one can prescribe the right balance of privacy and openness and it won’t matter as long as you are being honest to yourself.

There are a lot of ways to come out: by carrying a new attitude or by dropping an old stereotype, by embracing being sexual or choosing not to have sex at all, by showing that morality, flamboyancy and masculinity are not mutually exclusive — but most of all, by being yourself. We need you to be comfortable being who you are. None of our political endeavors can materialize if we don’t fully embrace who we are first.

Daniel Turton is a College senior from Winter Springs, Fla.