Emory rarely makes tabloid headlines, but last week’s band party debacle was featured on TMZ, MediaTakeout and E!Online. As you all know, the stage collapsed, people got hurt and the fun ended.

Rumor has it that Akon was headed to Clairmont campus in a limo a few blocks away when the canopy fell. Upon learning that the girls in attendance would be over 15 years old, he immediately turned around. So although our concert was cancelled, at least no girls were molested onstage like they have been at past shows…

Joking aside, not everyone was sympathetic to Emory’s loss. “Guys, Emory is full of rich, smart preppies who are spoiled brats. Those rich kids deserve this,” commented Jon Smith on TMZ’s website. Unfair, Jon Smith, unfair. Our tuition is high enough to warrant a decent fall band party.

Akon’s concert wasn’t the only thing missing in the entertainment world during these last few weeks. In fact, there’s been a rash of absences, both good and bad, all across Hollywood.


No Homophobia Here
Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling surprised fans in New York when she revealed that the character of Albus Dumbledore was gay. The revelation has prompted much discussion, ranging from “Why didn’t he come out in the books?” to “Now our children will want to be gay!” to “I knew it all along!” Oh J.K., you just had to kill off the token secretly gay guy, didn’t you?


Not Really Reality
Get ready for a shock, people: MTV’s “The Hills” is fake. That’s right. Neither Audrina nor Heidi actually works, and somehow Lauren came home from a date wearing different nail polish than when she left.

One of Lauren’s most recent on-air flings revealed that MTV producers told him to ask for her number — after he signed some paperwork, of course. He said that when the cameras were rolling, the “cast” would “converse” with the aim of entertaining the audience. Manipulating your identity to get people to like you? Sounds like Facebook-style reality to me.


No Maternal Instinct
Kevin Federline’s girlfriend has revealed more about Britney Spears’ amazing parenting skills and successful marriage. Besides leaving the kids unwatched by the pool, KFed allegedly complained that Britney would treat him like one of her employees. (Note to Kevin: You are!) To make things worse, Britney was once drunk on vodka and Coke while breastfeeding her son, Jayden James. On the bright side, it’s not like she’s keeping him on a vegan diet or insisting upon mommy-and-me matching outfits.


No Love
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker and Singer Amy Winehouse top this year’s list of Maxim magazine’s unsexiest women. I guess being thin, stylish and empowered is no longer attractive. Personally, I think they need more classy men with good taste on the editorial board. Dumbledore for editor-in-chief!


No Plant or Page
The Led Zeppelin reunion concert originally scheduled for Nov. 26 isn’t happening — or at least, not for another few weeks. The disaster behind the postponement? A finger. Legendary guitarist Jimmy Page broke his finger last weekend and won’t be able to play a show until Dec. 10, according the doctor who is treating him. How did the group escape broken bones in their heyday of destroying hotel rooms in a drunken stupor? Perhaps the more advanced age of the members nowadays means their bones are a little more brittle. Should’ve drunk your milk, Jimmy.

— Contact Dorothy Chyung at dchyung@learnlink.emory.edu and Ani Vrabel at avrabel@emory.edu.