Men's Basketball

POWER POLL

Preseason

1. Pike A

Where have you guys been all semester? No parties? No spirit? No alcohol-induced violence? It is a good thing you didn't let Andrew Cohen and all the other "mini-Pikes" play on the team, because Napoleon was never any good at basketball.

2. Team Equipped

This team is loaded with quickness, athleticism and talent but you need a little more to get over the hump. Your division is too easy, so you can being preparing for the playoffs now. You guys should have Lewis attack and injure Brad Ross. Then you might win it all.

3. Sigma Chi

You really impressed the Poll Gods with your Super Bowl party last Sunday. But what is Levine's deal? Is he going to charge people to watch your basketball games, or is that just for his lame parties? The fate of your team is the same for basketball as it was for football -- if Westfal can stay remotely sober he will be the best player in the league, and your team will have a shot.

4. SAE

We hope you guys are prepared to endure a lot of disappointment this semester. Fleiss is mediocre and will not lead this team to victory, and you guys are too southern. During Rush, some of those freshman baseball players are finally going to realize there are better fraternities out there.

5. Chi Phi

We respect Burke's game. He could carry you guys into the playoffs, but he is the only cool kid in your fraternity.

6. Squad L.E.F.F.?

This team is composed of freshmen, so the physicality of A-League basketball could get the best of you. Kopsick has game, but he has to be sober to put it to use.

7. Phi Delt

With close competition from Chi Phi and DTD, you guys are the worst fraternity on campus. Someone told you guys that lifting weights makes you cool, when in actuality it has done nothing for your house. You may be big, but that won't mask your impotence on the court. Oh, and good luck with Rush.

8. Beta

It would help if you guys had the lung capacity or the motivation to play basketball. Poll Gods think you should stick to your profitable extracurricular endeavors rather than making this feeble effort to get in shape. We like Goodman because his girlfriend is the coolest, but the rest of you are just pathetic burnouts.

9. Apes

You guys gonna wear gel in your hair during the games? How about a quick trip to Buckhead directly after? Is your uniform a tight black shirt, silver chain and tight black pants? Go back to looking in the mirrors at Calibre -- no one wants you looking feminine in the gym.

10. KA

Are you guys going to use cannons and confederate flags to intimidate your opponents? Are you going to sip on some Southern Comfort during the games? We cherish diversity, so we think you are out of place at Emory and in the 21st century for that matter.

11. ATO

We heard you guys tried to lure ADPi to have a mixer with you by offering to pay for their drinks. You guys need to learn that money isn't everything and it certainly can't rectify your social ineptness. Here's a novel idea: Why don't you guys use that cash to throw a party, invite girls and then actually talk with them.

12. Sigma Nu

Socially, you guys are cool. Athletically, you guys are the most awkward group of individuals assembled on campus. You suck at basketball, so why not try swimming in your basement -- start practicing for the IM meet. Poll Gods certainly hope Ashish is gonna play, because he runs like he has a 12-foot pole shoved up his butt -- and that makes us laugh.

13. AEPi

Simanovsky and Neider both have smooth jumpers, but they are way too slow and lack athleticism. This team may win a few games but is destined for failure. Ackerman lives on an alternate universe in his mind where he is good at basketball, his team will do well, he will get a good pledge class and his fraternity is cool.

14. DTD

Wow, you guys aren't in last place for the preseason. Congratulations. Will you please have another hall crawl to celebrate so the Poll Gods can steal your alcohol? Thanks.

15. OEO

You guys play basketball? Poll Gods think you should stick to rock climbing, white water rafting and growing really gross beards. Eat granola and sing Kumbaya, but don't embarrass yourselves on the court.