If you had to have a third nipple, where would you want it? Email answers to bostdie@emory.edu.

If you had to have a third nipple, where would you want it? Email answers to bostdie@emory.edu.

Bryce Jordan, a catcher for the Lake Charles Barbe High School (La.) baseball team, set a fairly remarkable record this weekend. He was hit by a pitch for the 30th time this season, to set the all time record for a high school baseball player.

“Getting hit doesn’t bother him,” Jordan’s Head Coach, Glenn Cecchini, said in an interview with USA Today that your intrepid On Fire correspondent found on Yahoo! Sports. “He’s built like a Neanderthal, and he knows enough to turn away from the pitch.”

The high school hit-by-pitch record has stood for 49 years, ever since Kenny Redding of Choctaw High (Okla.) was plunked 29 times in 1965. All of us here at On Fire are impressed and amazed by Jordan’s accomplishment, and we want to give him our sincerest congratulations.

Cecchini has also impressed us with his mastery of the English language. “Built like a Neanderthal” is a wonderful way to describe someone.

The images that word conjures, the feelings it evokes, the pictures it paints — Neanderthal is a much more effective word than brick wall, refrigerator or rhinoceros, the three words that immediately come to your synonym-loving correspondent’s mind when thinking of things one who is not hurt by hit pitches could be built like.

Also, right now your TV-loving On Fire correspondent cannot stop thinking about the Geico caveman commercials.

But we are glad that Jordan is smarter than a Neanderthal, judging from the fact that he knows enough to turn away from the pitch (no disrespect intended, if cavemen count among our loyal readers — from those Geico commercials I know how sensitive you guys are).

Ultimately, we at On Fire are jealous of you, Bryce Jordan.

Not only do you hold an awesome record, but also you get to be built like a Neanderthal. The only way that anyone would ever compare any of us here at On Fire with a Neanderthal is if one were referencing Zak Hudak’s hair.

But going back to that whole awesome record thing, that is pretty cool. For one, it is a great fact about yourself to use while playing two truths and a lie.

Just imagine being able to say, “I am from Louisiana, I have a third nipple, and I hold the high school record for the most times being hit by a pitch in a single season.”

Everyone would assume that you do not hold a record as awesome as that and would then be a little disturbed by the fact that you have a third nipple. But the joke is on them!

Let us take a quick timeout so that your often-misunderstood On Fire correspondent can be completely clear with his (or her) writers (and editors).

There is nothing wrong with having a third nipple. You were just born that way. It is a thing you cannot help about yourself, just like your blessed On Fire correspondent cannot help being devastatingly handsome and side-splittingly funny.

In fact, all of us here at On Fire think it would be pretty cool to have a third nipple. The fact of the matter is that lots of famous people have third nipples, which makes it ok for us regular people to have them too.

Mark Wahlberg has three nipples. Marky Mark, of Funky Bunch fame! Yes he has not been in a good movie in a while, but that is almost definitely because he is short and getting old (two things which we at On Fire do not approve of at all) and not because of the third nipple — we are almost positive of this.

Carrie Underwood had three nipples. We say had because she got it removed because she was embarrassed about it. If only she had read this column first, this tragedy might have been prevented.

We at On Fire always say that if our words can inspire just a single person, we have done something worthwhile with this dumb space-filling column.

To all you boys and girls out there with third nipples, keep them. They will come in handy when you play two truths and a lie.

And to be clear, the reason that we do not like Harry Styles is because we genuinely dislike him as a person, not because of his third nipple (or because we are macho and like to trash boy bands to prove it).

So anyway, mad respect to Bryce Jordan from all of us here at On Fire for his record setting season. And, for all our curious readers, our intern is still working on confirming whether or not she has a third nipple.

Courtesy of Emory Athletics Senior Gabrielle Clark fiercely returns a shot. Clark and the Eagles did not lose a set in their singles competitions in their outing against Brenau University last Tuesday.

Courtesy of Emory Athletics
Senior Gabrielle Clark fiercely returns a shot. Clark and the Eagles did not lose a set in their singles competitions in their outing against Brenau University last Tuesday.


This past Tuesday, the women’s tennis team faced Brenau University at the Woodruff P.E. Center. Emory dominated throughout the six singles matches and the three doubles matches, winning 9-0 to extend their winning streak to seven games. Only the doubles matchup between Emory’s Gabrielle Clark and Michelle Satterfield and Brenau’s Dominika Jasova and Zalina Nazarova was in doubt, but the Emory pair prevailed 8-6.

In all of the singles competitions, Emory did not lose a single set. Only the first set between Emory’s Melissa Goodman and Nazarova was close. Goodman was victorious in the set, and won her matchup after a retirement from Nazarova in the second set.

After this victory, Emory improved their record to 19-2 on the season. Emory is now ranked No. 2 in the Intercollegiate Tennis Association (ITA) rankings behind Williams (Mass.). With such an impressive overall season thus far, Emory is one of the top contenders for the national championship. They are led by Clark, a senior from Chicago, who is the top ranked singles player in the Atlantic South region. They have a mix of experience and new contributors, which bodes well for the current and future success of the team.

Coming off last season’s second place finish in the NCAA Division III Championships, Emory is determined to win a national title. Williams is in the middle of a dynasty period, as they have won the past six NCAA Division III Championships. Emory finished second in both 2010 and 2013.

The last time a team has been this dominant was when Emory won the national championship four times in a row during the 2003-2006 seasons. In fact, Emory and Williams have won 12 of the past 13 national titles.

Coming up, Emory travels to face Georgia Gwinnett on Monday. While Georgia Gwinnett College is not ranked in the top 30 in the ITA rankings, Emory will not take this match lightly. Emory must perform well in every match in order to both maintain their ranking and to keep momentum going into the upcoming NCAA Division III Championships in May.

Considering many of the major contributors are freshmen, each additional match provides valuable experience and preparation heading into the crucial playoff matches.

Overall, Emory is in top form and is looking to make a run at a NCAA Division III National Championship and end Williams’ six year run of dominance.

— By Shawn Farshchi


Courtesy of Erik Daniel Drost.

Hello, and welcome to another edition of The Beej Knows Best. We have been shifting gears all season long, with articles about social issues to articles about the NFL Draft to articles about basketball.

This one looks deeper into the upcoming NBA playoffs. Although much of the analysis in basketball during this time period revolves around which team is most likely to win the NBA Championship, there are serious implications for individual players as well.

For example, J.R. Smith, coming off of a Sixth Man of the Year Award, played horrifically in the playoffs, and eventually had to come back to the Knicks on a modestly-sized deal. Granted, he was paid much higher than he probably should have been and for much longer than he should have gotten, but James Dolan really doesn’t care about money or basketball or anything.

It is not all bad though. There have been countless instances of players having mediocre seasons, but turning it up in April and parlaying their performance into lucrative deals. These might not be the biggest difference-makers, but these are just the players who I believe have the most at stake, and need to play phenomenally well to either gain a massive extension, or prevent losing one. You might even have players who look at their overall team’s performance, to determine whether or not the squad is moving in the right direction. Let’s look at who has the biggest to gain or lose this spring:

Lance Stephenson, shooting guard, Indiana Pacers

Boy, the Pride of New York City is quite the enigma, am I right? It is almost like two boxers with completely different personas facing off every night, and you never know who will prevail. In the left corner, we have the league leader in triple doubles, the man who can orchestrate the offense when it is stagnant, and the man that has matured so significantly from the boy he was coming out of Cincinnati. In the right corner, we have an overtly emotional guy who has hurt his team not only by losing his temper, but also by trying to take over games instead of allowing one of the league’s best players in Paul George to control the ball. So, depending on whether Jekyll or Hyde wins over during the playoffs, Stephenson could be rewarded with a max-level contract (mini-max because he is coming off of his rookie deal), or a small, one-year highly incentivized contract that he doesn’t deserve based on an amazing season. I never said the NBA was fair, but this is how the cookie crumbles.

Kemba Walker, point guard, Charlotte Bobcats

This isn’t as immediate as Stephenson, but Walker has a contract extension opportunity this offseason, given that his rookie contract is set to expire after next year. The Bobcats have been horrible for so long, but after aggressively signing Al Jefferson, have made the playoffs. Granted, they are playing Miami, so Walker will not have much of a sample size to illustrate positive performance warranting of a large deal. But if he can keep them close, and overwhelm Mario Chalmers while also providing offensive and defensive relief for Big Al, he could possibly prove to management that he deserves to be the point guard of the future. If he plays poorly, Walker could be heading into restricted free agency, and getting disappointed by the lack of league-wide interest.

Zach Randolph, power forward, Memphis Grizzlies

Randolph has an opt-out clause in his contract for this offseason and, depending on his performance, his decision could be swayed significantly. Throughout the season, especially without Marc Gasol, Randolph had shown signs of deterioration. Yes, he has put up great numbers, but he wasn’t the physical force that had defined his tenure with the Grizzlies. People have even wondered whether his success depended upon Gasol spreading the floor.

However, near the end of the season when a playoff birth was on the line, Z-Bo brought his game to another level. In Memphis’ last five games, all wins, Randolph averaged over 20 points and 10 rebounds, and even peppered in 2.5 assists for good measure. The Grizzlies have a tough playoff matchup against the Oklahoma City Thunder.

If Randolph can overpower Serge Ibaka and whoever else the Thunder throw at him, and if Memphis can make a series out of it, it would be fiscally intelligent for Randolph to opt out and sign another long-term deal. If the Grizzlies get wiped off of the floor, and Randolph looks lethargic and weak, he might have to settle for picking up the option, and realizing that his window for another large payday has finally closed.

LeBron James, (every position — he’s the King), Miami Heat

This isn’t about a financial decision, but more of a career move. Despite Kevin Durant having one of the best offensive seasons in recent history and taking up headlines, James has quietly had another one of his classic all-around spectacular showings. His ability to not only beat you every way offensively, but take out your best player on the defensive end, truly puts him up with the greats of this game. But James has a big decision (yet again) to make.

If the Heat flame out, with Dwyane Wade showing his age and Chris Bosh failing to suffice as a third banana, James might have to recognize that his best opportunities may be elsewhere. And instead of opting out this season, it might be in his best interests to wait until 2015, when teams such as the Los Angeles Lakers, Chicago Bulls, and New York Knicks have sufficient cap space. However, if the Heat can pull off a three-peat, it would be almost a foregone conclusion that he would opt-out, resign for 5 more seasons, and act as a recruiter along with Pat Riley to recreate another Big Three once Wade moves on. Stay tuned this April and May. We might be headed towards The Decision 2.0.

— By Jayson Patel


The baseball team extended their winning-streak to six games Wednesday, shutting Berry College out 5-0. The loss was the first time Berry was shut out this season. More importantly, it was a hard fought game and a gratifying victory for the Eagles.

The game picked up very quickly after freshman pitcher Hans Hansen retired the side in the top of the first inning. The Eagles came out swinging in the bottom of the first, scoring three quick runs.

Senior Jared Kahn led the charge with a lead off double. Kahn scored on a bunt single by senior Brandon Hannon, accompanied by a throwing error.

Senior Daniel Iturrey then hit a gorgeous ball up the middle to send in Hannon. After stealing second base and advancing to third on Berry’s second error, Iturrey scored on a groundout RBI from junior Wes Peacock.

After the first inning explosion, the Eagles settled in and played great baseball. Hansen led the squad with three strikeouts and zero runs allowed through seven innings. Senior Robert Gross and freshman Kyle Monk finished the job out of the bullpen, allowing one total hit total over two innings pitched.

“Hansen pitched a spectacular game,” Hannon said. “He carried us to victory.”

The freshman pitcher has been lights-out as of late. Hansen improved to a team-best 7-1 on the campaign with a 2.59 ERA and is now 4-0 with a miniscule 0.90 ERA over his last four starts.

While Hansen was dominating Berry’s batters on the defensive end, Junior Jordan Selbach was dominating on the offensive end. Selbach batted three-for-four in the contest, raising his average to an impressive .342.

Although the Eagles won in a shutout, the game was closer than the numbers indicated. Berry deserves credit for keeping up with the Eagles in hits. The Vikings had eight hits on the day. However, the Eagles did a great job preventing the opposition from scoring with flawless defense.

“We got up early and played great team ball to come out on top,” Peacock said. “The pitching was phenomenal today and we supplemented it with great defense.”

This win will surely improve the Eagles’ impressive resume for selection to the NCAA Championships, with the win raising their record to 25-9 on the season. The Eagles, in first place in the UAA Conference, will return to action this weekend, playing a home-and-home series against Georgia Gwinnett College, a NAIA institution.

Emory will travel to face the Grizzlies on Friday at 7 p.m. before returning home to Chappell Park on Saturday for ‘Senior Day,’ with the first pitch scheduled for 2 p.m.

— By Michael Scheck

Courtesy of Emory Athletics Senior Johnathan Chen watches his shot from the backswing. Chen, who said he was distracted from golf at the start of the season, decided that he will play professionally after graduation. Two weeks ago, he finished the Emory Invitational with a score of 69.

Courtesy of Emory Athletics
Senior Johnathan Chen watches his shot from the backswing. Chen, who said he was distracted from golf at the start of the season, decided that he will play professionally after graduation. Two weeks ago, he finished the Emory Invitational with a score of 69.

This fall didn’t go according to plan for senior golfer Johnathan Chen — well, not on the golf course anyways.

Coming off a third place overall finish at the 2013 Division III National Championship tournament, Chen was in the middle of the statistically worst season of his career.

Meanwhile, off the course, Chen, a Goizueta Business School student, was focused on his professional career: in August, he signed an offer letter to work at KPMG’s consulting group in San Francisco.

Even after the career victory of receiving an offer, something felt off for Chen, who is studying finance and strategic and management consulting. It wasn’t until his finals were over and he returned home to refocus on his golf game that he realized he wasn’t ready to give up golf just yet.

So, instead, Chen decided in January that he would play professional golf after graduation.

“Mainly it was me realizing that I have my whole life ahead of me to work in the corporate world … but I can be a consultant after I play golf,” Chen said. “The opportunity to play professional golf is not always going to be there. What put me over the edge to play golf over the corporate world was realizing that golf has been the dream I’ve always wanted to follow.”

When Chen speaks about his golf dreams, it’s not the typical athlete’s story. Chen’s primary focus was on tennis until an ACL tear in the beginning of high school forced him to move to golf full time. This late start to his golf career meant he never focused on the professional game and didn’t look up to the PGA tour’s biggest stars, such as Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, as many young golfers do.

Chen had never attended a professional event until his freshman year at Emory.

“I think my love of the game started with Dad,” Chen said. “He put the club in my hand for the first time and taught me lessons, like that you can’t show up to a tournament unprepared. It was really an outlet in that way for teaching me a lot of life lessons, and that has truly stuck with me ever since.”

Once Chen chose to play golf at Emory, he experienced immediate success. In his debut during the 2010-2011 season, his 74.21 scoring average was the lowest for a freshman in school history. He followed this performance up with first team all-University Athletic Association (UAA) honors during his sophomore year, before finishing third overall in Division III in his junior campaign, leading the Eagles to a fourth place overall finish in the division.

Despite his on-course success, his greatest contribution to the team might be his role as a mentor.

“[Chen] has been a great leader throughout his time at Emory,” senior Alec Berens said. “As a freshman he worked as hard as anyone else on the team. He has been a leader by example, and it has really had a profound effect on the rest of the teams drive and motivation.”

Once Chen made the decision to build off of this success at Emory and play professionally, there was no downtime. Due to the expensive travel costs and high tournament fees in professional golf, securing sponsorship is essential, he said.

“Once I made the decision, it was all about doing the leg work to make it happen,” Chen said. “It was talking with sponsors, budgeting, looking at tournament schedules … It is also a lot of networking. Once I made the decision to play golf it was all about sticking with the decision and working toward the goal of playing on the tour.”

Chen plans to use sponsorships from Taylor-Made and Bridgestone for his equipment needs and he has secured funding from family friends in Houston to cover the tournament and travel fees associated with playing on the tour.

The Texas native plans to stay in Atlanta in order to train and work as an assistant coach for the Emory golf team, but he will work to qualify for PGA Latin America and PGA Canada tournaments. As he prepares to navigate the complicated nature of the PGA tour — paying high fees, searching for tournaments and securing sponsorship — Chen has the benefit of knowing former Emory teammate, Ryan Dagerman (‘12B), who played professionally for two years after graduation.

Dagerman has since moved back to the corporate world; he is currently working as an investment banker at TM Capital in New York.

“He has talked with me a lot and helped me learn the things he did well, which I can copy, and the things he did not, which I can stay away from,” Chen said. “I always looked up to him as a freshman. I was always trailing him by a little bit in everything, and he has really been an inspiration and role model for me.”

Support from the entire Emory program has poured in for Chen, and not just from Dagerman. Head Coach John Sjoberg worked as a PGA golf professional before working at Emory, and many of Chen’s teammates plan to support him in the upcoming years.

“I will try and attend any tournaments that I can, based on location and timing,” Berens said. “I think at this early stage of our lives it is important to chase dreams and do what you love.

Berens added that he supports Chen’s decision to go pro.

“He has been an incredible friend and teammate over the last four years, and I know he will succeed out on the pro circuit,” Berens said.

For now, Chen and his teammates are focused on finishing out the spring season. This spring has been Chen’s best statistical effort. Two weeks ago, he won the Emory Invitational tournament with a 69 (-3) in the final round.

Chen and the Eagles continue the spring season today at the Navy Invitational Tournament in Annapolis, Md.

— By Nathaniel Ludewig


The Eagles’ seniors shined at their senior day, sweeping Middle Georgia State College with two mercy rule victories and stretching their winning streak to nine games. 

The team is now 35-6 on the season and clock in at 16th in the Division III national rankings. The weekend sweep continued the Eagles’ dominant season—Emory has now won 17 games this season by being up by at least eight runs after five innings of play.

The Eagles jumped off to a quick start with three runs in the bottom of the first inning, all coming home on a home run from sophomore third baseman Hannah Sendel. Senior first baseman Megan Light added another run in the bottom of the second with an RBI single that scored sophomore right fielder Alyssa Pollard.

Middle Georgia State countered with a run in the top of the fifth inning, but the Eagles scored five runs in the bottom of the fifth to extend their lead to 9-1, putting the game away.

Light had a fantastic game, going three for three with two runs and an RBI. Sendel and senior left fielder Ally Kersthold both contributed three RBIs.

The second game was another blowout, as the Eagles scored a pair of runs in the first two innings on a Sendel single and a Light double before exploding in the third inning with eight runs.

Junior catcher Micah Scharff led off with a double, followed by a pair of singles from freshman designated hitter Amy Wray and senior center fielder Lauren Gorodetsky to load the bases.

Junior shortstop Moira Sullivan followed with a double, knocking in all three runners. Sendel hit another home run at the end of the inning to drive in two more runs, extending the Eagles’ lead to 10-0 and effectively ending the game.

Freshman pitcher Brittany File earned the win, going all five innings and surrendering two runs. File only gave up one hit and struck out five batters.

Sendel led the way at the plate, going two for three with three RBIs and a run. Sullivan went two for three as well, driving home three runs and crossing home twice. Kertsthold, meanwhile, led the team with three runs.

It was an impressive final home game at Cooper Field for the team’s seniors.

Emory will be without Gorodetsky, Light, Kersthold, star pitcher Amanda Kardys and second baseman Claire Bailey next season. Light hit a blistering .488 on the season, while Bailey wasn’t far behind with a .391 average. Gorodetsky hit .378, while Kersthold, the leadoff hitter, batted .344. Kardys is currently 23-1 on the season with a 2.68 earned run average.

The Eagles will end the regular season on Saturday when they visit Maryville College (Tenn.) for a doubleheader.

- By Ryan Smith

Courtest of Emory Athletics Zachary Rosenberg sprints in a relay race for the Eagles. The Eagles turned in a new program record and multiple podium finishes at the Blue Shoes Collegiate Track and Field Meet last weekend.

Courtesy of Emory Athletics
Zachary Rosenberg sprints in a relay race for the Eagles. The Eagles turned in a new program record and multiple podium finishes at the Blue Shoes Collegiate Track and Field Meet last weekend.

The men’s and women’s track and field teams traveled this past weekend to the Blue Shoes Collegiate Track and Field Meet, hosted by Furman University (S.C.).

Saturday, April 12 turned out to be a historic day for the squad, as senior Electra Korn of the women’s team set a new school record in the 400-meter hurdles. Korn ran a 1:01.94 in the race, finishing second overall, but breaking the program’s previous record of 1:02.23, set in 1997. In doing so, Korn became the first woman in program history to break the 62-second mark in the 400-meter hurdles.

The women’s squad enjoyed a successful day on the track, with many athletes finishing on the podium in various events. In addition to finishing second in the 400-meter hurdles, Korn finished second in the 200-meter dash with a career-best time of 25.01 seconds.

Korn, along with freshman Harley Barrera, senior Morgan Monroe and junior Debora Adjibaba, teamed up to win the 4×100-meter relay in 48.99 seconds.

After setting her season-best time in the preliminary rounds, Monroe came in second overall in the 100-meter hurdles.

In the preliminary rounds, Monroe set the fifth fastest time in school history and the third fastest in Division III this year with a time of 14.41 seconds.

Senior Meredith Lorch won the 3,000-meter steeplechase, putting up the 20th fastest time in Division III this year with an 11:23.52 second mark.

The other members of the women’s squad finishing in the top three of their respective events were Adjibaba, who came in third in the 100-meter dash, sophomore Julie Williamson, who came in second in the 800-meter run, junior Stephanie Crane, who came in second in the mile run and senior Hope Olszewski, who came in second in the javelin throw.

The men’s team also had a fairly successful weekend, led by junior Gui Silva, who won the 400-meter dash with a career-best time of 48.29 seconds. Silva also came in second in the 200-meter dash with another career-best time of 21.89 seconds.

Also competing well was junior James Bassen, who threw the season-best distance in the javelin throw for the Eagles, throwing the javelin 54.28 meters, good for second at Blue Shoes. Bassen also finished third in the hammer throw, registering a distance of 36.70 meters.

The only other member of the men’s team to finish in the top three was sophomore Dametris Osbourne, who finished third in the high jump with a mark of 1.79 meters.

Five other members of the men’s team finished in the top 10 of their respective events, ranging from the mile run to the 100-meter dash.

The Eagles travel again next weekend to University of the South at Sewanee (Tenn.), as the team will participate in the Mountain Laurel Invitational on Saturday, April 19. The invitational will be the team’s final meet until conference meets begin at the University Athletic Association (UAA) Outdoor Track and Field Championships.

- By Ethan Morris


After his victory in the Masters Sunday night, Bubba Watson celebrated in high style.

That is to say, he went to Waffle House and ate some hash browns.

Now, at first glance something seems wrong with this picture. After all, on Sunday Watson not only won the most prestigious tournament in all of golf, but he also became the 17th golfer in history to win two Masters and the eighth to win two green jackets in three years.

One would think that Watson, in fitting American style, would come up with a celebration that was bigger, grander, more ostentatious, more obnoxious, more legendary, more epic – basically, that he would have done something cool.

Dozens of different possibilities come to mind from your creative On Fire correspondent. If we are going to stick with the dinner theme, perhaps Watson could have gone to one of those steakhouses where you go out back and pick out the cow you want to eat, and they slaughter it right in front of your eyes – after all, you want to know that your meat is fresh.

Or how about seafood? The Masters takes place in Augusta, Georgia – only 2 hours down I-20 from Atlanta by car, and your mathematically-inclined On Fire correspondent is going to estimate only that it is a 30 minute helicopter ride at most.

Watson could have flown to Atlanta, stopped off at the Georgia Aquarium and picked out any fish that he wanted for his dinner. Yes, it definitely would not have been cool for him to pick out a dolphin or a penguin, but swordfish complements the taste of victory real nicely.

But why stop at food? The possibilities must have been nearly endless to Watson as he walked around Augusta wearing his green jacket.

If there ever was a night to blow all your money on strippers and cocaine, that was the night. If there ever was a night to find an abandoned barn, burn it down and do a tribal dance around it while emitting primal screams directed towards the deity of your choice, that was the night.

If there ever was a night to call up that girl who broke up with you in college because “You are never going to make it as a professional golfer, Bubba, and also give up your stupid dream of becoming a sports humor columnist, and anyway, what the hell kind of name is Bubba?” and tell her exactly what you think of her using words that we would feel more comfortable not printing in this column because On Fire is nothing if not family-oriented, that was the night.

But Watson – or Bubba, as we are going to start calling him, because that name is just too darn funny – did none of those things. He went to Waffle House.

Now, we have to give our friend Bubba credit where it is due – he is nothing if not consistent, and we at On Fire always have and always will value consistency.

The Masters has a tradition in which all the previous champions of the tournament gather together the Tuesday night before the tournament starts for dinner, and the most recent champion is responsible for picking out and paying for dinner.

When asked after his first victory in 2012 what he intended to serve for dinner next year, Watson replied, “I love Waffle House – a grilled cheese from Waffle House and hash browns.”

We are disappointed to report that Watson ultimately reneged on his guarantee. After extensive research, your intrepid On Fire corres secured the menu for every Champions dinner since 1986 (that is as far back as the article on ask.com goes).

For his dinner last year, Watson served Caesar salad as a starter, grilled chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese and cornbread for the main course and confetti cake and vanilla ice cream for desert.

Reportedly, the previous champions were not even allowed to pick out their own chicken and watch it be killed, to ensure optimum freshness. Our intern is still trying to determine whether or not Watson made strippers and cocaine available.

Come on, Bubba. Waffle House at Augusta National would have been awesome. But if you are not going to do that, at least do not serve Caesar salad.

But Bubba made up for it this year. Immediately after donning the green jacket, he jetted off to Waffle House for his hash browns. We at On Fire can think of no better way to celebrate. We only hope he ordered an all-star breakfast.

Junior first baseman Jared Selbach takes a swing for the Eagles.  Selbach connected for one hit and one RBI in the Eagles' 7-4 win Sunday against Southwestern University (Texas).

Junior first baseman Jared Selbach takes a swing for the Eagles. Selbach connected for one hit and one RBI in the Eagles’ 7-4 win Sunday against Southwestern University (Texas).

The baseball team opened a three-game weekend series with Southwestern University (Texas) on Friday at Chappell Park. The first game ended with a 10-2 win, the second 5-4 and the third 7-4, giving the Eagles a flawless weekend.

On Friday, senior Brandon Hannon became the 11th player in program history to record 200 hits over a career – tied for ninth place with former Eagle Mike Garvis. Hannon finished Friday’s game two-for-four with two runs scored and an RBI double. Hannon also became one of two players in Emory history with 200 hits and 100 walks over a career.

Junior Connor Dillman contributed to the solid play with eight innings of strong work on the mound. Dillman held Southwestern to a pair of runs on four hits throughout the entire game. He struck out five and walked just one, raising his record to 6-1 for the year.

As the game continued and the Pirates’ defense weakened, the Eagles were able to extend their lead. The men scored five unearned runs in the third inning and four in the fifth inning.

Freshman Philip Maldari hit a two-RBI double, kick starting the scoring in the third inning. Meanwhile, sophomore Jack Karras knocked in a pair of runs in the fifth.

Junior Michael Byman closed out the game with a scoreless ninth inning, while Maldari added a two-for-three day at the plate, raising his batting average to .383.

Saturday’s game was a bit more heated as the Pirates came in ready to fight back. Lucky for Emory, junior Brett Lake broke a tie in the bottom of the eighth inning with a sacrifice fly, leading the way to another Eagles victory.

Southwestern had an early lead after the third inning, but Emory did not let this last for long, matching the score in the bottom of the fourth on a sacrifice fly from junior Wes Peacock.

The Pirates regained the lead, and the score remained 2-1 until the bottom of the seventh when freshman starting pitcher Jackson Weeg came to the mound.

Emory proceeded to load the bases with no outs in the bottom of the seventh and tied the game on senior Daniel Iturrey’s sacrifice fly.

The Eagles’ progress continued when Maldari singled to centerfield, scoring Hannon. An error on a pickoff attempt then scored Lake from second base, giving Emory a 4-2 lead.

The Pirates fought back in the top of the ninth against Emory’s freshman pitcher, Kyle Monk, but to no avail, as Monk earned the win in relief for Emory, improving 3-1 on the season.

Lake finished the game one-for-two with a pair of walks, extending his hitting streak into the double-digits. Lake’s batting average is .465, with a Division III leading 60 hits.

The last game of the three-campaign stretch demonstrated Emory’s prowess yet again.

Every Emory starter had at least one hit, led by Lake who drove in a pair of runs with a one-for-four day at the plate.

Peacock contributed with a three-for-four performance with a double and an RBI.

The Eagles jumped out to an early 2-0 lead, but Southwestern rallied with three runs in the fourth and fifth innings.

At the end of the fifth, however, Emory pulled back ahead 6-3.

Senior Jared Kahn scored on a double play ball by Hannon, while Lake was knocked in on an RBI single.

Senior starting pitcher Ben Hinojosa exited with a lead after five innings, and seniors Robert Gross and Matt McMahon combined forces for three shutout innings. Hinojosa improved 3-1 on the year with a 4.40 ERA.

The Pirates kept pushing back, but senior Mike Bitanga forced a groundout on a bunt and two fly outs to close out the game and secure Emory’s victory.

Emory’s five-game winning streak put the Eagles at 24-9, with seven games left to play in the regular season.

The team was pleased with their performance.

“It’s never easy taking all three games from a team in a clean sweep, so it’s a great sign that we’re able to put everything together consistently and get wins,” senior Jared Welch said.

Hannon agreed, citing the team’s top-to-bottom strength.

“We know we have one of the most talented teams in the nation, and when we play well we beat anyone,” he said.

Emory will finish a four game home stand on Tuesday, when the Eagles host Berry College at 3 p.m. at Chappell Park.

- By Nicola Braginsky

Courtesy of Emory Athletics Freshamn Katarina Su delivers a shot for the Eagles. Playing in the number two doubles slot with sophomore Beatrice Rosen, Su defeated a doubles squad from Middlebury and one from Amherst 8-6, and lost to a Bowdoin doubles team 8-5 over the weekend.  The women’s tennis team is ranked second in the country.

Courtesy of Emory Athletics
Freshamn Katarina Su delivers a shot for the Eagles. Playing in the number two doubles slot with sophomore Beatrice Rosen, Su defeated a doubles squad from Middlebury and one from Amherst 8-6, and lost to a Bowdoin doubles team 8-5 over the weekend. The women’s tennis team is ranked second in the country.

The women’s tennis team won all three of its matches in Brunswick, Maine, taking down a trio of ranked teams by beating Middlebury College, Amherst College and host Bowdoin College this weekend. Emory entered the weekend as the second ranked team nationally and by beating three highly regarded teams, did nothing to harm their ranking. The team’s record after the weekend sweep is now 18-2, and the women continued their unbeaten streak against Division III opposition through 12 matches thus far.

Emory commenced their weekend of competition against eighth-ranked Middlebury College on Friday.

The Eagles got off to a fast start from the doubles matches, as senior-freshman teams led to victories in number one and number three doubles.

In number one doubles, senior Gabrielle Clark and freshman Michelle Satterfield won the first point of the match for Emory in a strong 8-1 victory. Senior Brenna Kelly and freshman Michelle Goodman won the number three doubles event in a 8-6 set, and sophomore Beatrice Rosen, playing with freshman Katarina Su, won by the same score in number two doubles.

The Eagles were not content with their dominance in the doubles portion of the matchup, and continued to sweep the singles portion as well, 6-0. The singles matches included an efficient victory from Clark, the number one singles player, who won her match quickly in two sets, 6-0, 6-3. Satterfield, in the three singles game, swept her Middlebury opponent 6-0, 6-0 in two sets.

Head Coach Amy Bryant’s team picked right up from the Middlebury match against fourth-ranked Amherst College, as they would again sweep the doubles matches to jump out to an early 3-0 lead.

The Eagles once again capitalized on their strong start and finished the singles matches with a 8-1 lead over their highly-ranked opponents from Amherst.

The doubles pairings remained untouched, resulting in 8-2, 8-6 and 8-6 victories for the number one, two and three doubles teams.

The victory by the number one doubles team consisting of Satterfield and Clark was Clark’s 100th doubles win in her Emory career. Clark is the third Eagle to accomplish such a feat, and if she wins five more doubles matches will break the school record set by Zahra Dawson.

Clark, the southeast region’s top player, would go on to defeat Jordan Brewer, her Northeast region counterpart in straight sets, 6-1, 6-3.

Katarina Su’s victory was her 20th of the season, making her the second member of the team behind Satterfield to reach that plateau in 2013-14.

The final match of the weekend proved to be the most challenging for Emory, as they narrowly edged out seventh-ranked Bowdoin College 5-4. For the first time all weekend, the Eagles did not earn an advantage in the doubles events, winning only number one doubles, as the team of Clark and Satterfield won their closest match of the weekend 8-5.

Going into the singles matches down 2-1 put pressure on the team to perform, but wins from Clark, Rosen, Goodman and Su were enough to secure victory.

Tiffany Chang, the number one singles player from Bowdoin, forced the usually dominant Gabrielle Clark into a tiebreaker, one that the Emory student-athlete would win 7-3. Melissa Goodman won her number four matchup in an impressive 6-0, 6-0 performance.

While the win against Bowdoin was closer than the other matches this weekend, it secured a perfect weekend for a team that is beginning to heat up, winning its past six meets, most of which have been against ranked opponents.

Success on a large scale is nothing new for the women’s tennis team, as they placed second at the NCAA Division III championships last year, and have won five titles in the history of the program.

The Eagles will look to continue their good form against Brenau University at home on April 15 as they look to add a sixth trophy to the case.

- By Oliver Rockman

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